At this time of year I hear the common theme of “resolutions”. They range from strengthening relationships with family and friends, addressing dysfunctional relationships, diet, exercising, getting organized, changing jobs and setting new goals. Take your pick. Often by the end of the month most of us have abandoned these resolutions. Each year I say to myself there is something wrong with this picture. Why do we wait for January1st of any year to address these and other issues? What makes January the magic month for change? As I see it every hour, day or month is an opportunity to address the concept of change. We don’t have to wait for the New Year to begin. This can be done at anytime. As I see it, every moment is an opportunity to make changes. Why is change so hard? For some of us it is hard identifying what we need to work on. Why? Is it because we are so immersed in old habits and perhaps dysfunction that we cannot see a way out? My advice is to look at each day as an opportunity to rearrange our world and make it better. If it is approached this way, we have a better shot of following through and consistently keeping up with our resolutions/goals. Perhaps another reason for our resistance to addressing our goals is directly related to self-esteem. Do we not think enough about ourselves to want to function and feel better? This is another common theme; wanting help with self-esteem. There is no easy answer and it is not something that happens with a resolution, it is a process. For those of you who have been in treatment with me you have already heard my “gold coin” concept but I believe it is worth repeating. It goes like this, each day when you get up picture yourself with a large black pot (like the one you might find at the end of the rainbow). It is your job to fill this pot with gold coins. Next question is how? Every little act you do to better your day is a gold coin. Any act that you do to take care of yourself or your needs is a gold coin. Any act that enhances any of your daily goals/resolutions is a gold coin. Any act that contributes to your journey is a gold coin. If your goals are up front on your radar and you aware of the actions that contribute to completing these goals, you are on your way. Each coin represents self-esteem. How we feel about ourselves. Imagine how you would feel if your pot is consistently full. I have explained how we gather the gold coins, but I haven’t mentioned how we can also give them away. Every act that does not benefit us, any act that repeats a negative behavior pattern, thus hurting us, takes away gold coins. The goal is to not only fill our pot, but also to be aware of the level of coins in our pot. Remember each day is a new day. We are looking for progress not perfection. The reality is that some days our gold coin balance may decrease but we have always have tomorrow to re-build the balance. Happy New Year!!
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